Another Step Towards Recovery

Becoming a self-confident person has always been a goal which seemed unattainable.  Although I am not yet fully operational as a self-lovromanceing person who exudes a terrific self esteem, I am happy to say that I have found an inner peace.  This inner peace has helped tamp down the awful thoughts and feelings I have had which hindered my confidence.

Inner peace translates to happiness.  Happiness has spread outward and embraced my entire world.   My newly found peace and happiness are imperative to the self care which is needed and craved.  Codependents who struggle with confidence issues can find their peace.  The will to find this peace is ever present, but it takes work.  It is not an easy task and one must keep the will for peace at the forefront of all thoughts.  The good new is:  peace is attainable.

inner peace


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The need to feel loved

It is easy to love me.  Just tell me.  Tell me I am pretty.  White lies are acceptable.  Women are not as difficult and hard to live with as you may think.  We are actually very easy.  We need to feel loved.  We need to feel cared for.  We need to feel protected.  Be our knight in shining armor.  Showing you care or paying compliments to others is difficult, but the payback is amazing!  You may receive a smile, a hug, or a laugh and the love is returned to you.  Who wouldn’t want that?

Women go through many changes in their lifetime,  body changes, mood changes, getting less sleep and more work.  We need a little comfort and a little praise, possibly even a little thank you.  Tell me you love me…




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Why not me?

Why do I feel insecure?  Why am I not important?  Why am I told it is always about me, yet I feel overlooked?

When someone is excessively put down, beaten, and made to feel unimportant, it is almost impossible for that person to pick themselves up, change their attitude, and be important.   It is simple for a codependent to act the way others expect them to, but they never really feel that way for themselves. Being compared to others is always at the forefront of their mind. The feeling of not being good enough, pretty enough, smart enough… it is hard to overcome. When you pair those feelings with another who is very controlling and selfish, the outcome is devastating. A codependent has a difficult time finding their own sense of being. It is near impossible to feel and be normal. The sad truth is, we never feel good enough.

I have moments of clarity and happiness, as well as moments of severe sadness. I know I can overcome the sadness, or can I?  I will never be normal, although I am unsure what normal is supposed to be.  Can I be normal?

The plight of codependents–being unsure of how to make themselves happy while ensuring the happiness of others. I have made others laugh today…  why am I not happy?  I have made others feel loved and cared for today.  Why do I not feel loved?

Since I am unable to feel love and comfort from others today, I will rely on my faith to bring me happiness.  God, bless me and others who are sad, or overlooked, today.

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Love yourself… always

They try to keep us down, but they won’t succeed!  While the roller coaster of self-esteem goes up and down, twists and turns, and at times makes us ill, the courage to fight against it and persevere is remarkable.  So many times, people walk all over your self-esteem to keep their own self upright and feeling good.  Believe in karma?  I do.  I have seen the power of karma knock the legs right out from under those who trample on others.  It is often a challenge to put the gloves on and fight back, every turn has something waiting.  Defeat and depression are not an option.  Know who you are inside and out and love yourself.  As the horizon approaches, many good things are waiting and will come to those who are patient and humble.  Pray for the storm to pass quickly, then move forward with confidence.  Be inspired, be impressive, be proud. 

If you don't see your worth, you'll always cho...

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A new day dawns

Confidence, self-esteem, determination, fortitude. and belief.  Many of us try so hard to grasp and hold even one of these traits to become whole.  However, we find that we are pushed down again and again.  Why do so many find their power in hurting others and enjoy wielding it over them?  These bullies will find a crack in someone’s self-esteem, and widen it, little by little.  This goes one until one is so beat down, they start to truly believe and feel what they are hearing.  We run away…  to our safe place.  The place that no one can enter, no one can ruin.  A place so special, we find the confidence and self-esteem we are lacking.  If only we can stay.  We are welcomed and loved here.  This is our soft place to land.

We have the power to change our destiny.  We are true warriors.  Yes, believe it.  sunriseWe have been fighting for our sanity most of our lives.  Take control.  Find the determination to make those difficult choices and stand by them.  Time will heal.  The newly found confidence will radiate from deep in your soul.  The confidence is seen by others who have done their time and a kinship is formed.  We form our own alliance and we share our stories, which are hauntingly similar.  We are not alone.  We are awesome in our strength and amazing in our empathy.  A new day dawns.



Self Care 102

Self care is a necessity.  A need that must be filled daily.  Codependents tend to get lost in the caring for and giving to others, so much so that their own self care goes unattended.  I have to make a conscious effort to take care of myself each and every day.  Since my interests are varied, it is very easy for me to find something that I can do just for me.  However, many codependents seem to have a hard time finding an interest which would placate their self care need.  Self care can be as simple as watching a movie or reading a book.  A movie or book can take them away from the grind of making life better for everyone else.

Today, my self care involved watching a high school basketball game, interacting with my parrot, and writing this post.  My journey has created many forks in the road which have led to new interests and  curiosities.   This helps assuage my constant need to care for others.  SalsaIngredients

My newest idea, and quite possibly my craziest, is to start my own salsa-making business.  Is it possible?  Yes.  Anything is possible.  What is your self care strategy?  If you don’t have one, you really need to get one.

A walk in my shoes…

Living with an alcoholic father, a chemically dependent sister, and an alcoholic husband, my life has not always been the picture perfect family I had projected it to be.  Knowing that I had to be the glue, the constant, that held a family together was draining on me.  The want to escape was great.  This want led to many forks in the road and so often I chose the wrong direction.high heels

There are many times I question every decision I made, every choice I chose.  Hindsight is definitely 20/20 and I would have done things so differently had I known the path I was going to walk.  I have hurt many people with the choices I have made and I learned to forgive myself.  One could drive oneself crazy thinking about “what ifs” and “what could have beens.”  I have spent an enormous amount of negative energy on these thoughts and the only thing that has come from it is the guilt and sadness with which they are associated.

Being judged or disliked because of my past choices is heart wrenching.  I quickly want to explain my past and why I am where I am now.  I want to kick off my shoes and hand them over…  here…  take a walk in my shoes.

The new me is actively engaged in specific thought processes before major, life-changing decisions are made.  This can be difficult when the old me rears her ugly head and wants to rush into decisions and choices.  I have become a more calm, relaxed and rational person and this is a major victory!  It is difficult to break away from old habits, patterns, and routines, but we codependents can achieve a greater level of self-awareness and well-being when we engage ourselves in the specific thought processes from the beginning.  This awareness can leave you with a sense of power that is like no other.