The road is long…

The road is long, the journey is rough and consists of many different directions, obstacles, and decisions.  Being a lifelong codependent, I have always traveled my path with the belief that I can handle anything and everything on my own.  This belief is shared by many codependents as it creates an appearance of strength and competence.  The farther I travel on my walk, the more I have found others like me and this comes with the enlightenment that I do not have to be alone.  Others are willing to help carry my burdens and I am able to help with theirs.  In gathering friends and family along the way, the journey has become an adventure. forest above The strong and capable me becomes the sharing, loving, alive, and happy inner self that has waited for the chance to spring forth.  My journey is filled with faith, sunlight and happiness, an excitement greets each new day.  Codependency will no longer overshadow my world and leave me crouched in a corner, afraid to face the world.

I have taken a step back to view the forest, instead of focusing on the trees.

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The need to feel loved

It is easy to love me.  Just tell me.  Tell me I am pretty.  White lies are acceptable.  Women are not as difficult and hard to live with as you may think.  We are actually very easy.  We need to feel loved.  We need to feel cared for.  We need to feel protected.  Be our knight in shining armor.  Showing you care or paying compliments to others is difficult, but the payback is amazing!  You may receive a smile, a hug, or a laugh and the love is returned to you.  Who wouldn’t want that?

Women go through many changes in their lifetime,  body changes, mood changes, getting less sleep and more work.  We need a little comfort and a little praise, possibly even a little thank you.  Tell me you love me…

 

 

 

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Why not me?

Why do I feel insecure?  Why am I not important?  Why am I told it is always about me, yet I feel overlooked?

When someone is excessively put down, beaten, and made to feel unimportant, it is almost impossible for that person to pick themselves up, change their attitude, and be important.   It is simple for a codependent to act the way others expect them to, but they never really feel that way for themselves. Being compared to others is always at the forefront of their mind. The feeling of not being good enough, pretty enough, smart enough… it is hard to overcome. When you pair those feelings with another who is very controlling and selfish, the outcome is devastating. A codependent has a difficult time finding their own sense of being. It is near impossible to feel and be normal. The sad truth is, we never feel good enough.

I have moments of clarity and happiness, as well as moments of severe sadness. I know I can overcome the sadness, or can I?  I will never be normal, although I am unsure what normal is supposed to be.  Can I be normal?

The plight of codependents–being unsure of how to make themselves happy while ensuring the happiness of others. I have made others laugh today…  why am I not happy?  I have made others feel loved and cared for today.  Why do I not feel loved?

Since I am unable to feel love and comfort from others today, I will rely on my faith to bring me happiness.  God, bless me and others who are sad, or overlooked, today.

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The Secret

What is the secret to a long and happy life?  Many believe it is staying fit and keeping in good health.  Others believe it is not taking risks and staying safe.  I believe the secret is happiness, a positive outlook, and a deep faith.  When a person is positive and loving life, it  inspires others to shine and want to have a more positive outlook as well.  I also notice that when I am in a positive frame of mind, I am more patient, and treat others with more love and kindness.  I, personally, really love to see people smile.

Happiness comes from within.  Believe it and smile.  Get your shine on!smiling

Love yourself… always

They try to keep us down, but they won’t succeed!  While the roller coaster of self-esteem goes up and down, twists and turns, and at times makes us ill, the courage to fight against it and persevere is remarkable.  So many times, people walk all over your self-esteem to keep their own self upright and feeling good.  Believe in karma?  I do.  I have seen the power of karma knock the legs right out from under those who trample on others.  It is often a challenge to put the gloves on and fight back, every turn has something waiting.  Defeat and depression are not an option.  Know who you are inside and out and love yourself.  As the horizon approaches, many good things are waiting and will come to those who are patient and humble.  Pray for the storm to pass quickly, then move forward with confidence.  Be inspired, be impressive, be proud. 

If you don't see your worth, you'll always cho...

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Found, but not lost

Today was the day I was found.  While I was not lost, I was walking a path that was unclear and out of focus.  I was not able to see what my future would become and was not looking forward with much hope.  This morning, hearing one song veered me back toward the path on which I was meant to be.  Music empowers me in different ways and today this song touched me deeply.  I need to change for the better, my family needs this from me.  I replayed the song no less than six times. 

I know what I need to do with my life and what has been found within me.  While the Lord has never left my side, I turned away from and not toward Him for help, guidance, strength and peace.  Sometimes, being strong means forgiving yourself and accepting the help of others when it is offered.  I am more aware and alive than I have been in a long time.  I thank God for granting the gift of writing music and lyrics for others to share with us.  Music has once again shown me the way and hit me right between the eyes with this song.  I have been found.

Changed by Rascal Flatts

I came up, out of the water
Raised my hands, up to the Father
Gave it all to Him that day
Felt a new wind kiss my face
Walked away, eyes wide open
Could finally see where I was going
It didn’t matter where I’d been, I’m not the same man I was then

I got off track, I made mistakes
Back slid my way into that place, where souls get lost,
lines get crossed and the pain won’t go away
I hit my knees, now here I stand
There I was, now here I am.. Here I am.  Changed.

I got a lot of “hey I’m sorry”s, the things I’ve done,
Man that was not me I wish that I could take it all back,
I just wanna tell ’em that.. tell ’em how

I’ve changed for the better.  More smiles, less bitter…
I’m even starting to forgive myself.  Yes I am

I hit my knees, now here I stand
There I was, now here I am, here I am, here I am I’m changed.
Yes I am.. I’ve changed for the better

Thank God, I changed

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

While I am not so much into the commercialism of this day, I do appreciate the theme:  Love.  Valentine’s day is a day that we can escape from our worries and issues and just feel love.  People smile more and are a bit happier.  Love is in the air!  Honestly, don’t we all need more days of love?

Valentines-day