The dock isn’t long enough….

I want to jump, I really do.  The dock is just too short.  I may change my mind.  The water may be too cold.  The water may be too shallow.  What if I can’t swim?  What if I scream and no one hears me?

We are faced with choices daily.  Why do so many of us jump just because someone else chose to jump before us?  If the dock were longer, we would have more time to really think about the choices we are about to maDock jumpke, and maybe jumping would not be so appealing.  Listen to yourself.  Intuitions have their purpose.  Be your own voice, your own mind, your own soul.  Break away from the herd and stop blindly following others who have a louder voice.

Evidence equals truth and does not lie.  Do not make choices you will be sorry for later in life.

Freedom from codependency is finding who you are and gaining the courage to nurture yourself, body and soul, first and above all others.




Mothers and sons

B&TI love being a mother.  My children are the two most incredible things I have done in my life.   For some reason, God decided to give me these remarkable boys, and then broke the mold.  I am so proud of these beings that I have created, who are turning into very fine young men.  At times when I feel down, and self-worth is at a low point, I only have to think of my boys and realize that I have given this world two of the greatest gifts….  my children.  I am amazing.  Mothers are amazing.

The bond I have with my boys will never be broken.  They have seen and heard things that should never have been a part of their world.  In protecting them, I have hurt them.  Someday, they will understand the choices I have made.  They are resilient and accept what is with grace.  They are amazing.

As my boys get older and more independent, I am thankful they are confident, intelligent, and resourceful.  The fact that they continue to tell me they love me, makes my heart smile.  I will lay down my life for my boys.  As they have started venturing out into the world, I let them go with these words “You are my heart, which walks outside my body.  Treat others as you would have them treat you.  Make me proud, and always take care of yourselves and each other.  Be amazing.” 

Thank you, Lord, for all you have given to me. 



A walk in my shoes…

Living with an alcoholic father, a chemically dependent sister, and an alcoholic husband, my life has not always been the picture perfect family I had projected it to be.  Knowing that I had to be the glue, the constant, that held a family together was draining on me.  The want to escape was great.  This want led to many forks in the road and so often I chose the wrong direction.high heels

There are many times I question every decision I made, every choice I chose.  Hindsight is definitely 20/20 and I would have done things so differently had I known the path I was going to walk.  I have hurt many people with the choices I have made and I learned to forgive myself.  One could drive oneself crazy thinking about “what ifs” and “what could have beens.”  I have spent an enormous amount of negative energy on these thoughts and the only thing that has come from it is the guilt and sadness with which they are associated.

Being judged or disliked because of my past choices is heart wrenching.  I quickly want to explain my past and why I am where I am now.  I want to kick off my shoes and hand them over…  here…  take a walk in my shoes.

The new me is actively engaged in specific thought processes before major, life-changing decisions are made.  This can be difficult when the old me rears her ugly head and wants to rush into decisions and choices.  I have become a more calm, relaxed and rational person and this is a major victory!  It is difficult to break away from old habits, patterns, and routines, but we codependents can achieve a greater level of self-awareness and well-being when we engage ourselves in the specific thought processes from the beginning.  This awareness can leave you with a sense of power that is like no other.