Self Care 102

Self care is a necessity.  A need that must be filled daily.  Codependents tend to get lost in the caring for and giving to others, so much so that their own self care goes unattended.  I have to make a conscious effort to take care of myself each and every day.  Since my interests are varied, it is very easy for me to find something that I can do just for me.  However, many codependents seem to have a hard time finding an interest which would placate their self care need.  Self care can be as simple as watching a movie or reading a book.  A movie or book can take them away from the grind of making life better for everyone else.

Today, my self care involved watching a high school basketball game, interacting with my parrot, and writing this post.  My journey has created many forks in the road which have led to new interests and  curiosities.   This helps assuage my constant need to care for others.  SalsaIngredients

My newest idea, and quite possibly my craziest, is to start my own salsa-making business.  Is it possible?  Yes.  Anything is possible.  What is your self care strategy?  If you don’t have one, you really need to get one.


How deep is the foundation?

They can knock you down, but they can’t keep you down.  It never ceases to amaze me how fast people will climb over someone to get ahead.  What is it about being important that makes people behave in a way that puts others down?  I refuse to sacrifice myself, my morals, and my time to become someone who is considered “more important”.  The lure of power and money seems to cause the decline in friendships and values.  While most people would love to have the ability to make more money, people should also do more to earn it. 

Refusing to subscribe to the principles of the people who have bullied their way to the top will create pride and honor in oneself.  Staying behind to lend a hand to those who have been walked upon, creates friendships and allies–the people who have your back and lend a hand, if needed.  The top floor has its privileges, glamour, riches, and perks.  The lower floors have integrity, grit, and true spirit.   The higher the building, the deeper the foundation….

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.

The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty.


Wasted time…

I, for one, have wasted a lot of time.  Time which was spent being upset, angry or sad for reasons such as the house isn’t clean, the laundry isn’t done, or the dishes aren’t put away.  Time was also wasted when my feelings were hurt or something didn’t go according to my plan.  Like a petulant child, I pouted.

If only I had some of this time back.  I would focus on the joys in my life and no longer waste time on being upset at such small things.  The cleaning will be done.   My family will love me, even when I am irrational or quiet, in fact, they want to help me.  I want to spend more time laughing and having fun.  As I look back, I realize that time flies and life is way too short.  Soon, my children will be out the of the house and I will be faced with retirement.  A part of my life that I thought I had years to deal with and is now right around the corner.  This old dog is learning another new trick:  stop being upset at the petty things and gain happy time.  The treat will be the laughter and happiness of my family and friends, not to mention the longevity of my life.

Is it possible I have just lengthened my life by making this revelation??

Wasted TimeWasted Time 2

Unconditional love…

My pets really understand me.  There is no greater love than the unconditional love that they bring.  On days when I feel down and wonder what life will hit me with next, my dog knows that is the time I need comfort.  I don’t need to explain myself or ask for it, she just gives.  My parrot senses the mood and chimes in with her random talking, whistles, and noises which make me smile every time.  If only humans could give so much with so little effort.  This world would be in much better love

Always the worker bee, never the queen

Politics. I am immersed in politics, although I am not running for an elected office.  From politics in the sports my children play, to politics in the office, and many other forms of politics in between.  Living in a world where you are not valued for your skills, work ethic, or knowledge, but valued because of the people you know is, well, extremely frustrating and hurtful.  Coming from a long line of hard-working, intelligent, middle-class people puts one at a disadvantage in a disingenuous world.  I have become disillusioned that my hard work, skill and knowledge base will ever pay off.  Not to mention that it seems I do not have the contacts needed to obtain that promotion or pay raise.  I am not a player, I am a worker.  

After feeling a bit upset by the office politics I have had to endure throughout the day, I attended my son’s basketball game where I was faced with more politics.  The type of politics in which a child is allowed to have more play time if the parents are friends of the coach.  Again, no skill or knowledge needed.

It is disheartening to live in a world where skills are not learned, knowledge is not needed, and work ethic is a term from the past.  As for me, you can take the promotion from the girl, but you can’t stop the girl from continuing to work hard and excel at every level.  It is the way I have been programmed.   I can only hope that the political parties involved in my world will learn an important lesson.  Oh yes, you know what lesson I am talking about.

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

Fan or fanatic?

I am a sports enthusiast.  Ok….  to be honest, I am a fanatic.  I wear the colors, the beads, the hats, and collect as many team-related trinkets as I can find.  I love sports and the competitive spirit.   The thrill of victory, brings an exhilarating sense of team and excitement.  Reliving a win over and over with anyone who will listen.  The smile stays and is infectious, especially around fellow fans.

If a loss is suffered, the pain is hard to bear.  Despair sets in and the game replay begins…  if we had only…..  we should havefanatic….  why?  Misery loves company and the want to be around others who are feeling the same grows.

Cheering for my teams and the excitement the games bring is a big part of my self care.  I can be the fanatic and leave my other persona behind, even if for a short time.

Sports build camaraderie and togetherness.  Hearing thousands of fans collectively screaming for the same team is priceless.  I will be a fanatic forever.  Now, if only one of my teams would win a championship…  sigh.

Stepping Out of the Shadows

I have lived a life in the shadows of others.  Time to shine.

I was the best wallflower with the most amazing ability to blend into any background.  Never wanting to draw attention to myself, I was uncomfortable at parties, especially if alcohol was present.  I always wanted to be the girl who was extremely confident, fun, and who others gravitated towards.  This was not to be.  I grew up too fast and this maturity at such a young age stunted my “party” persona.  I still feel awkward in a party setting or a large crowd, but I am changing.  Enter Me 2.0.

I have before me an opportunity to take control of my destiny and be successful.  The window to this opportunity will not stay open long and I must firmly grasp this chance by being more assertive, more willing to be a “no” person, as well as be more forward thinking.  I know I am capable of doing all three, and have the confidence to accomplish much in my career.  However, the constant need to make everyone happy rears its ugly head again.  I often feel the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.

As I break away from the old me and walk at a steady pace, I continuously look back at the old me in the shadows.  While the old me will always have her place in my soul, the new me is becoming quite remarkable.  I face forward and move more quickly toward my future  My change is my destiny.  I will become a new me.

“Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”
―William Jennings Bryan

“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.”
―Rick Warren